Talking about marriage is tough, yet oh-so-necessary, especially for engaged or nearly-there couples. Sometimes all you can do is speak from your own relationship and what you saw from your parents. But y’all may need a special word that applies specifically to you, so I hope these few points I crowdsourced from some girlfriends help. Without further ado, here’s what you should know before getting married.
Don’t Psych Yourself Out
I don’t hesitate when I say the single biggest mistake young people make when they hitch their wagon to someone else’s is to psyche themselves out with worry. To some, marriage is an existential hole into which they must bury some of their yet unachieved life goals.
At the same time, they stress about their relationship turning into something ugly or unexciting. Other people try to help here by reciting adages about marriage being hard.
Don’t get stuck here—you’ll end up losing sight of the beautiful person by your side in the process. If they’re truly terrific, lay down your worries about generalities and find solace in your beautiful commitment to one another.
Relational Change Is Inevitable and Beautiful
Another thing you should know before getting married is you, your partner, and your mutual love will change in the coming years. Many women say they feel like they’ve been married to multiple men throughout their life, all of which were actually the same man. I get this dynamic—raising kids together is a world apart from the lovey-dovey days of dating.
Like no one else in your life, you get the odd chance to change along with your partner. You rediscover each other over and over, recognizing bits of new and old in the same person. Maybe it’s because you’re changing, too, and can finally see these new facets. I don’t really know. Regardless, there’s nothing like entering into this new experience together.
Never Stop Making a Big Deal Out of Each Other
Last on my list, don’t forget that you get the privilege of being your spouse’s number one fan. Steward your closeness to them by attending to the wonderful ways they approach the world—the way they look at clouds, how they laugh, and their passion for helping people.
In the same vein, make a huge deal out of that first anniversary, and the next one, and the next. Beyond that, manufacture a reason to elevate a boring day into a celebration of your relationship.
Above all, I want you to blissfully look forward to marriage. Jump into it with both feet—that’s the best way to start it all off with a bang.
