Mental health is a topic that tends to be associated with adults, but the younger generation is suffering by the millions. According to the National Institution of Mental Health, an estimated 5 million adolescents aged 12 to 17 in the United States had at least one major depressive episode. Mental health is often thought of as a taboo topic, making it difficult for parents to find a starting ground for the conversation.
Below Dr. Maria Navarro, DrBH, LPC-S, TAD from dehp Integrative Care, shares her professional insight on how parents can approach the difficult mental health talk with kids and signs your child may need professional mental health help.
Starting the conversation. The goal is not to force children into deep conversations when it comes to mental health. The goal is to create repeated moments of connection where emotions can safely surface. Children benefit when mental health is treated as a normal part of overall health rather than something discussed only during crises. It helps to start a conversation as a parent by talking about your own feelings or something about your day that got you down.
When parents talk openly about feelings:
- Children learn that emotions are safe to express
- Shame around difficult feelings decreases.
- Kids build emotional vocabulary.
- Parents become trusted emotional supports.
- Early signs of stress or anxiety are easier to notice
- Children learn healthy coping skills for life.
If you find it hard to talk about your own feelings to start the conversation, here are some starters for different ages:
Young Children (Ages 3–7)
- “What made you smile today?”
- “What felt hard today?”
- “If your feelings were weather, what would they be?”
- “Where do you feel feelings in your body?”
School-Age Children (Ages 8–12)
- “What helps you feel safe?”
- “What stresses kids out the most at school?”
- “What do you do when you feel worried?”
- “Who do you talk to when something feels hard?”
Teens
- “What pressures do kids your age deal with right now?”
- “What helps you recharge mentally?”
- “What makes conversations about mental health hard?”
- “How can I support you better?”
Bonus Tip: Avoid turning every conversation into an interrogation. Small, repeated conversations are often more effective than one big talk.
Use attachment-based conversations. Attachment-focused parenting emphasizes emotional safety before problem-solving. Children tend to open up more when they feel seen, accepted, safe, connected, not judged and not rushed. An important thing to remember is, validation does not mean agreeing with everything a child says, it means acknowledging that their feelings are real. Below are some examples of what to say instead of common phrases people tend to lean on in these types of situations.
Instead of:
- “You’re overreacting.”
- “There’s nothing to worry about.”
- “Calm down.”
- “Keep going, don’t cry”
Try:
- “That sounds really hard.”
- “I can see this feels big right now.”
- “I’m here with you.”
- “You don’t have to handle this alone.”
- “Tell me more.”
- “It looks like you feel sad right now. I will feel the same if that happens to me. What do you need from me now?”
Use theraplay techniques at home. Theraplay is a play-based approach that strengthens attachment, emotional regulation, trust, and connection through joyful interaction. Parents can adapt simple Theraplay-inspired activities at home to support emotional conversations.
Create moments of shared joy
Connection lowers defensiveness and increases emotional openness. Shared laughter and eye contact help children feel emotionally regulated and connected. As parents create this interaction in a playful way, it will be easier for children to communicate with them.
Simple activities include:
- Hand-clapping games
- Singing together
- Mirroring facial expressions
- Gentle movement games
- Balloon volleyball
- Cooperative drawing
- Building forts together
Use nurturing touch when appropriate
A safe physical connection can help calm the nervous system. Always keep in mind and respect a child’s boundaries and sensory preferences when exercising nurturing touch.
Examples include:
- Hugs
- Back rubs
- Holding hands
- Brushing hair
- Sitting close during conversation
- Wrapping up in blankets together during story time
Practice co-regulation before conversation
Children often cannot discuss emotions while dysregulated. Calm bodies support calm conversations.
Before talking:
- Take deep breaths together. Blow bubbles, play with pinwheels.
- Rock gently in a chair.
- Stretch
- Listen to calming music.
- Sip warm drinks
- Use grounding exercises, touching water, rocks, and feeling your feet on the ground.
Signs a child may need additional support. Parents should pay attention to significant or lasting changes, such as:
- Withdrawal from activities
- Sleep changes
- Frequent stomachaches or headaches
- Irritability
- Aggression
- Excessive worry
- School refusal
- Sudden mood shifts
- Changes in appetite
- Loss of interest in favorite activities
Seeking support early is a strength, not a failure. If concerns persist, consider speaking with:
- A pediatrician
- School counselor
- Child therapist
- Family therapist
- Mental health professional
Making mental health conversations part of everyday life. Mental health conversations do not need to happen only during crises or awareness months. Children are more likely to share difficult feelings when an emotional connection already feels safe.
Simple habits, like the ones below, create emotional openness over time:
- Family check-ins
- Device-free connection time
- Bedtime conversations
- Shared meals
- Emotional vocabulary games
- Storytelling rituals
- Playtime without correction or instruction
